Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
