I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
