you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
