so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
