OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
