My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
