This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
