I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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