A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
