did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
