the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
