Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
