New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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