it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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