Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize