You're so nebulous sometimes
I just saw a hot homeless man
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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