You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
