Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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