omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
