That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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