I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
