Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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