he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
