what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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