I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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