I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
