yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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