Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
