just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize