I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
