Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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