what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Life is so much better after having sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
