I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
