my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
