i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
