im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it glows. i had to have it.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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