good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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