white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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