remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
