two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
