I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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