Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
