I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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