something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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