I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
