This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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