Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Everything about him screamed your future.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
