Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
