on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
