I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I party with great urgency now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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