great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
