he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
