why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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