the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
