I'm sorry my penis didn't work
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Why are your pants in the freezer?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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