I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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