He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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