Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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