Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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