You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you win again, gameday.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
