spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
