nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
