Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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