Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize