hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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