Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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