Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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