Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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