Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Randomize
