he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
your like the ambassador to my penis.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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